


COCKLESS

by Basingstoke



Category: Oglaf
Genre: Alien Biology, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-27 23:49:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/301430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basingstoke/pseuds/Basingstoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sandoval's penis is missing. This is the worst of days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	COCKLESS

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silverr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverr/gifts).



> Many thanks to Te for beta and encouragement!

He bound the mourning sticks to his head, silently weeping. He wrapped the transparent black shroud around his naked body. Then he crawled, from room to room, to ensure everyone saw how miserable he was.

"Sir, may I fetch you some wine? Or padding? Or snacks?" his assistant asked.

"No!" Sandoval snapped. He crawled from the embassy out into the hallway, where a running lesbian guard accidentally booted him in the leg. He snarled at the guard.

"A thousand apologies, sir! Fire in the castle! The Hot Bitches escaped!" She got up and continued running.

"What does it matter!" Sandoval cried. "When MY COCK IS GONE!" He gestured at his empty groin, then fell to his side and curled up, weeping.

He glanced up a moment later to see if anyone was looking. The hall was empty except for his assistant. "Hells bless it," he muttered, and stood up.

The guard had been running toward a fire. "Minion, where is the fire?" Sandoval asked.

"In the barracks of the lesbian guards," his assistant said. "May I not carry you back to safety and perhaps lick your asshole?"

Sandoval was momentarily interested, but shook his head. "Onward!"

He didn't bother to crawl until he saw other people in the hall. Most of them were lesbian guards, though, who ignored him as they ran through the halls with buckets of water and Sands of Quenching. Sandoval tripped a few up so they would pay attention to him, but they just picked themselves up and ran back in the other direction. So aggravating. Sandoval stood and walked toward the fire, glaring at everyone who ignored him.

The Mistress of the Realm stood on a pedestal (the portable one carried by eight shining slaves; Sandoval groped two buttocks admiringly) overlooking the fire. Her guards flung sand and water into the flames. "What happened?" the Mistress demanded.

Sandoval crawled onto the pedestal also and curled miserably around her feet. He clung to her boots and wept.

"The succubi, Mistress! They are fucking down the barracks!" shouted a guard.

The Mistress sniffed. She looked down at Sandoval. "And you?"

Sandoval gestured to his groin mournfully.

"Yes, I remember. You humped the Crevice of Inconvenience, so your member grew legs and ran off. This is..." Her face twitched and writhed before she managed to look sad. "Unfortunate. Most unfortunate."

"My PENIS," Sandoval wailed.

"It will return. Probably well-used. And now--BITCHES! TO ME!"

Two figures rose from the fire. Bald, horned, flaming, writhing women, passing something between them...

Sandoval howled and struck his forehead, dislodging his mourning sticks. His penis! The succubi had his penis! The Mistress commanded them to heel and they dropped it, charred and black, onto the floor. Sandoval's assistant leapt for it and cradled it to his chest, wincing only slightly as it singed his nipples.

"Oh," the Mistress said. "You'd better see the Doctors."

Sandoval swooned and let his assistant carry him to the infirmary. It was boring and uncomfortable and his penis smelled like bacon and vagina, but he was committed to the swoon and saw it through to the treatment room, where he revived lest those eyeless reptiles decide he was dead and eat him.

"What iss the problem?" one Doctor asked.

"My master's manhood is detached and burned," Sandoval's assistant said. "He must be healed!"

"Manhood?"

"Penis," Sandoval clarified.

"We mussst test it," one Doctor said.

"We mussst examine it," another said.

"We must tassste it," said a third. The other two looked at her. They hissed and leapt at her, ripping her wordlessly limb from limb.

"Enough!" Sandoval cried. "Stop squabbling and tend to me!"

The two surviving Doctors stood with the arms of their colleague in their hands. One held Sandoval's penis and smeared blood over it. She then pressed the organ firmly back into place.

It wriggled. The Doctor's upper lip curled and she caught it, yanked it back off Sandoval's body, and banged it firmly against the stone bed. "Hsst!" she said, and pressed it back again. Sandoval felt the organ tuck itself back into his body and lie still.

Behind the Doctor, the other Doctor gathered up the savaged parts of the third Doctor and wrapped them in gauze. She picked up something purple and floppy and chewed on it, humming a low drone.

"Peniss behaves now," the Doctor told Sandoval.

"And if it doesn't?"

The Doctor shrugged. She turned away and helped the other Doctor wrap the Doctor parts in gauze.

Sandoval's assistant stroked his forehead. "Poor master," he crooned. Sandoval backhanded him. "Ow."

"Clean up my penis," Sandoval said. He relaxed as his assistant bathed his afflicted parts with scented unguents and his wet tongue. "Wine!" he snapped. Someone gave him a glass. "And take me out of here," he said to his assistant. "It reeks."

Around him, burned lesbian guards cursed and writhed in pain.

*

Not long later, Sandoval's penis was in attendance as the gauze-wrapped parcels rocked back and forth in their stone cradle. The Doctors clicked a birthing rhythm and the parcels split open. Glossy new infants squirmed out. The penis spit a fertile blessing over each of them as they crawled for the raw meat beside the cradle.

"Tt tt tt tt t t t," the Doctors said joyfully.

The penis ran back to Sandoval's apartments, only making a side trip to squeeze under the door of the Mistress's Apprentice and knock over the jars of cumsprites. "Telling! Telling! Telling!" they chorused as they hopped free.

The penis slid back under the door and was caught up by a lesbian guard, who rubbed it over her clit as she pinched her nipple against the wall. The penis spit its blessing over her as well and she cursed and dropped it into the stampede of cum. "He's in trouble! Trouble! Telling!" they yelled as they ran.

The penis ran home and planted itself in Sandoval's groin before he woke.

*

Sandoval stroked his cock disconsolately. "I never wake up hard any more," he complained to his new assistant. (His old assistant was lost in a careless poison mix-up.)

The new assistant applied his mouth to Sandoval's cock instantly. Sandoval scowled at the ceiling of the throne room. The Mistress (hair still soaked with cum) was winching the Apprentice up by his heels for his masturbatory transgressions, but he was fully clothed, so it was quite boring.

His assistant scraped his teeth and Sandoval's penis jumped up and kicked him in the chin. It tried to run off, but Sandoval caught it with both hands and jammed it back down. "AND I need to have a leash made," he grumbled. He flung himself face down into the pillows and pouted.

*

the end.


End file.
